How do real estate agents start a conversation at a networking event without feeling awkward? Stop trying to impress and start trying to listen. The agents who build real business from networking rooms ask more questions than they answer, and follow up within 48 hours with something personal.
Stop Walking Into Networking Events With the Wrong Goal
Stop walking into a networking event trying to get clients. That goal is exactly why networking feels awkward, forced, and unproductive for so many real estate agents in Orange County and Los Angeles, and why most of them walk out with a stack of business cards and zero new relationships.
The problem is not the event. The problem is not your personality. The problem is that you have been told networking is about marketing yourself, and it is not. It is about finding one person worth having a real conversation with, and then following up like a professional.
I have coached agents who built significant referral pipelines from a monthly chamber meeting and agents who attended the same rooms for two years with nothing to show for it. The difference was not charisma. It was not business card design. It was the goal they walked in with and what they did in the 48 hours after they left. If you want to understand how those deeper conversations convert, the foundational approach is in how real estate agents turn networking conversations into business, but this post addresses what happens before that: how you actually start the conversation in the first place.
The Problem: What Most Agents Do at Networking Events
Here is the pattern I see repeatedly with agents who tell me networking does not work for them. They arrive, they grab a drink, they scan the room looking for someone who looks like a potential client or referral source, and then, when they finally introduce themselves, they open with their name, their brokerage, and how long they have been in the business.
That is not a conversation. That is a pitch. And the person on the other end of that exchange knows it within the first ten seconds.
The second version of this mistake is the agent who collects as many business cards as possible, photographs them all, and adds everyone to their CRM drip sequence. As of 2026, this approach produces about the same return as mailing flyers to a neighborhood you have never visited. The volume feels productive. The results are not.
Both versions share the same flaw: they treat the networking event as a transaction rather than the beginning of a relationship. And in a relationship-driven business like real estate, that distinction is everything.
The Myth: You Need a Great Elevator Pitch
The standard networking advice, develop a tight, memorable elevator pitch that clearly explains who you are and who you serve, is not wrong exactly, but it is wildly overemphasized. An elevator pitch is useful when someone asks what you do. It is a disaster when you lead with it before they care.
Nobody at a networking event is standing around hoping a real estate agent will pitch them in the first two minutes. What people are actually hoping for, especially in professional settings like the OC Business Council or the LA Chamber events I hear about from clients, is to have an interesting conversation with someone who seems genuinely curious about them.
The myth that you need a polished pitch to be effective at networking has caused more agents to over-prepare the wrong thing. They spend thirty minutes rehearsing what they will say about themselves and zero minutes thinking about what they will ask the people they meet.
The Reframe: Your Job Is to Find One Person Worth Following Up With
Here is the shift that changes everything: your goal at a networking event is not to get a client. Your goal is to find one person who is worth a personal follow-up, and to have a conversation genuine enough that the follow-up feels natural, not like a pitch with a two-day delay.
One person. Not fifteen cards. Not a table of new contacts in your CRM. One real conversation with one person whose situation you actually remember when you leave the room.
This reframe immediately reduces the pressure. You are not auditioning for business. You are looking for one interesting person and having a real conversation with them. That is achievable for almost everyone, including agents who consider themselves introverts, which, in my coaching experience across Orange County and Los Angeles, describes more high-performing agents than most people would guess.
The Solution: Three Moves That Make Networking Feel Natural
Move 1: Open With a Question That Has a Real Answer
The simplest conversation opener is the one that requires the other person to think. Not “What do you do?”, that is the networking equivalent of “How are you?”, but a question with a little more texture:
| Instead of This... | Try This |
|---|---|
| “What do you do?” | “What brings you out tonight?” |
| “How long have you been in [industry]?” | “What are you working on right now that has most of your attention?” |
| “Do you know many people here?” | “Is this your first time at one of these, or are you a regular?” |
| “Are you looking to buy or sell?” | “What does your business look like these days?” |
| “Have you worked with a real estate agent recently?” | “How has this market been treating you?” |
None of these are clever tricks. They are just questions that invite a real answer. The right column gives the other person something to actually say. When people have something to say, they relax. When they relax, they have a real conversation. When they have a real conversation, they remember you.
Move 2: Ask Two Questions Before You Talk About Yourself
This one discipline will separate you from 90 percent of the agents working a networking room. Before you mention your name, your brokerage, or what you do, ask at least two follow-up questions based on what the other person just told you.
They say they are in commercial property management. You ask what markets they are seeing activity in. They say mostly industrial in the Inland Empire. You ask whether that has shifted since last year. Now you are having a conversation, not exchanging resumes.
By the time you do mention what you do, the other person is already engaged and curious about you, because you were curious about them first. That is the Exactly What to Say™ principle of reciprocal interest applied in a room full of strangers: people like people who like them, and the fastest way to signal that you like someone is to ask about their world before telling them about yours.
I coach agents using the CSI Designated Coach framework to build this into their networking preparation, not as a script, but as a habit. The habit is simple: two questions before one answer. Practice it in line at the coffee shop. Practice it at your kid's school pickup. By the time you walk into a professional room, it feels natural.
Move 3: End the Conversation With One Specific Next Step
Most networking conversations end the same way: “Great meeting you, let's stay in touch.” That phrase means nothing and results in nothing. The follow-up never happens, or it happens in the form of an automated drip email that the person ignores.
Instead, end every conversation worth continuing with a specific next step that you control:
“I'm going to send you that article about the Q3 market shift in Long Beach. It's exactly what you were describing.”
“Let me connect you with my client who runs industrial in the Valley. I think that introduction could be useful for both of you.”
“I'll text you the name of that lender I mentioned. They specialize in exactly the situation your buyer is in.”
The specific next step does two things. It gives you a built-in reason to follow up within 24 to 48 hours, not as a pitch, but as someone delivering on a promise. And it tells the other person that you were actually listening, which is the rarest and most memorable thing someone can do at a networking event.
The Three-Part Networking Conversation Framework
| Phase | Your Goal | What You Do |
|---|---|---|
| Open (first 90 seconds) | Start a real conversation | Ask one question with a genuine answer. Listen. Ask a follow-up. |
| Middle (next 3–5 minutes) | Find one thing worth remembering | Ask two questions before you talk about yourself. Look for the specific detail, the problem they are working through, the thing they are excited about, or the situation relevant to what you do. |
| Close (final 30–60 seconds) | Create a specific next step | Name one concrete thing you will do or send within 48 hours. Make a promise you will keep. |
David's Take
The agents I coach who are the best networkers are almost never the loudest people in the room. They are the ones who have figured out that their job at a networking event is to be interesting by being interested, and that the best way to be interesting is to make the other person feel heard.
Here is the counterintuitive pattern I have seen across hundreds of coaching conversations: agents who are naturally shy often outperform extroverts at networking over time, because shy agents tend to ask more questions. They are not trying to dominate the conversation. They are trying to find something to connect on. And that behavior, genuine curiosity, active listening, and specific follow-through, is exactly what builds a referral relationship.
What I also see, consistently, is that the networking event itself is almost never where the business is won. The business is won in the follow-up. I tell agents across Orange County and Los Angeles: the event is the first sentence. The follow-up is the rest of the paragraph. Agents who write a great first sentence and then never finish the thought wonder why networking does not work. Agents who treat the follow-up as the main event build real pipelines from those rooms.
If you are walking into a networking event tonight and you feel the familiar dread of not knowing what to say, remember this: your only job is to find one person, ask them two real questions, and leave with one specific next step. That is it. Everything else is detail.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do real estate agents start a conversation at a networking event without being awkward?
The simplest approach is to ask a question that invites a real answer rather than opening with your title or a sales pitch. Questions like “What brings you out tonight?” or “What are you working on right now?” open a genuine conversation. The goal at a networking event is not to close a deal. It is to find one person worth following up with, and that starts with curiosity, not a pitch.
What should a real estate agent say when meeting someone new at a business event?
Lead with interest in the other person, not information about yourself. Ask what they do, then ask a follow-up question based on their answer. Agents who ask two questions before talking about themselves are far more memorable than agents who lead with their production numbers or market stats.
Is it worth attending networking events as a real estate agent?
Yes, but only if you follow up. The event itself rarely produces business. The relationship you build in the 48 hours after the event is what converts. Agents who attend networking events, have genuine conversations, and follow up personally with one or two people they connected with consistently build referral pipelines from those rooms. Agents who collect cards and send automated emails do not.
How do you get over the fear of networking as a real estate agent?
Shift the goal. Most networking anxiety comes from feeling like you need to impress or sell someone in three minutes. When your only goal is to ask good questions and find one person worth following up with, the pressure disappears. You are not auditioning. You are having a conversation.
The Agents Who Act First Win
The agents who take action on this today are not smarter than you. They decided sooner. They walk into the next networking event with a different goal, ask two questions before they answer one, and follow up within 48 hours with something personal. That shift is simple. The results are not small.
Book a free strategy session and we'll build the system that turns networking rooms into a real part of your business.
About the Author
David Manzer is a Real Estate Industry Business Coach with 30+ years in the industry and 10,000+ coaching hours serving agents and mortgage professionals across Orange County and Los Angeles, California. CSI Designated Coach | Exactly What to Say™ Certified | Tom Ferry CSI Certified Coach. Book a Free Strategy Session.